


First Line Fest: The Falwell Memorial Series

by Ignaz Wisdom (ignaz)



Category: due South
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-21
Updated: 2007-05-21
Packaged: 2017-10-02 04:02:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ignaz/pseuds/Ignaz%20Wisdom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eight drabbles.  Crackfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Line Fest: The Falwell Memorial Series

**Author's Note:**

> For the DS_Flashfiction first lines challenge. I got -- who, as everyone knows, writes some of the hottest smut in this fandom. My porn skills being what they are, I figured I should try a different approach. The following are drabbles based on the first lines (or so) of eight brilliant NC-17 stories. I took them in some ... uh, alternate directions.

**Time Travel**

[](http:)The first time, it happened by accident. Ray was waiting for Fraser at the Consulate. Turnbull asked him to help find a casserole dish.

Ray checked the pantry, but didn't find any dishes. He found a fifteen-foot brontosaurus in a dense jungle.

"Huh," Ray said, shutting the door.

The second time was the hall closet, which his some kind of Medieval castle. The third time was Thatcher's office: a cannon went off, so he shut the door and didn't try again.

By the time he found Fraser's dad in a cabin in Fraser's closet, it was basically a relief.

* * *

**Suckered**

[](http:)"Please," Ray said tightly, "God, _please_." He licked the corner of his mouth, noticing the faint salty taste of sweat. He closed his eyes, bit his lip, and rolled the die.

"Yes! Green wedge! Hit me, Frase -- and try to actually make it a challenge this time, okay?"

Fraser bit the inside of his cheek and tried not to roll his eyes. Ray claimed to have no knowledge of history, arts, literature, or geography, yet he was performing remarkably well at the game, and demonstrating rather poor sportsmanship at the same time.

Fraser was beginning to suspect he'd been suckered.

* * *

**Games People Play**

[](http:)Fraser and Ray had done it before. They had done it _everywhere._ In bed, in the car, at the station, at the Consulate -- and everywhere they did it, Fraser lost.

"Is it an animal?"

"Yep."

Ray couldn't figure out why -- Fraser was practically a walking encyclopedia, so he should have been able to smoke Ray every time.

Maybe it was because he'd never had to go on any road trips with siblings. Anyway, he always used up his questions on stupid things that didn't matter.

"Does it have tentacles?"

"No! What are you, nuts?"

"Never mind. Does it eat lichen?"

* * *

**Rivalry**

[](http:)This was a little weird, and a lot dumb, Ray thought, but only for a second; all coherent thought fled as Frannie pushed him down on her bed and climbed on top of him.

"How could you?!" She slapped his face with more force than he would have expected from his little sister. She'd gotten bigger since the last time they brawled like this -- about twenty years bigger.

"Frannie --"

"You _knew_ I liked him! How could you!"

"Hey, it's not like you had _dibs_! Fraser's a free man, he can sleep with whoever he wants!"

"But with _you_?" Frannie shrieked.

* * *

**Together**

[](http:)He should have known this would happen. Ray pressed the back of his head against the wall and tried to breathe normally. Tried not to make too much noise; tried to make himself invisible. If anyone saw -- if anyone tried to _talk_ to him just then -- he'd lose it completely.

He'd made it through the last few days with his dignity intact, but seeing Fraser laid out like that, wooden box and all, was the metaphorical straw. Suddenly his back was breaking, everything was breaking, and there wasn't enough glue or chiropractors in the world to pull him together again.

* * *

**Worth It**

[](http:)When Kowalski gets in a mood like this, it's usually best to just go with it.

"No way. It's pierogies or nothing. I'm not eating any more of your Italian --"

"Listen, Kowalski --"

"You wanna take this outside? Because I will kick your ass _so hard_ \--"

"This is a family grocery store, you ape! Watch your mouth!"

Kowalski, to his limited credit, looks around sheepishly. "Okay, but -- all right? Even Fraser's getting sick of ziti."

Vecchio sighs. Sometimes he wonders if all three of them living together is worth it. "Fine."

Kowalski grins, and Vecchio remembers that yeah, it really is.

* * *

**Hands Off**

[](http:)I manage to keep my hands off him till we get to the bedroom, but that's only because I won't let myself even look at him.

When we get inside, it's all I can do to keep from throttling him.

"An entire pizza!" I take my jacket off, fling it across the room. "How is that even possible, huh? Extra cheese! You should be dead from all the fat in that thing!"

He slinks over to me, tail between his legs, giving me a mournful sort of look.

I sigh and reluctantly pat his head. "No, I won't tell Fraser."

* * *

**Unexpected**

[](http:)Fraser was just looking at him, stunned.

"What?!" Ray shouted. No sound appeared to come from his mouth, or from where his mouth had been, but Fraser could hear him as clearly and articulately as he could Diefenbaker.

Ray gesticulated wildly. The effect was somewhat ruined by the fact that he no longer had arms so much as ... flippers. "Jeez, you act like you've never seen a guy get turned into a penguin before."

Fraser cleared his throat, rubbed his eyebrow, cracked his neck, and tugged at the collar of his shirt. "I," he said, and then paused. "Erm. How ...?"


End file.
